It’s been a hairy last few months. My initial enthusiasm for managing this here little blog is still here, I just do not have the energy in the evenings nor the will to make my brain think creatively after a busy day at work, an hour and a half in the traffic and kiddie mayhem, giggles and stories in the evenings. I guess, this is most of us who are working moms, or busy professionals…
So what to do now? Shall we take a break my beautiful blog? I guess I’ve answered that in my absence over the last while – I don’t really want to take a break, but maybe a more of a relaxed approach to how we do things! Isn’t this how we have to operate in our real lives anyway? We often start a new initiative with all the best intentions, but unless you are a crazy-organised-go-getter type who thrives on busy-life-does-not-stop-you-have-no-time-to-breathe-moments, it’s hard to maintain momentum! I initially beat myself up about it: “You started this blog, you should be posting at LEAST once a week!”. The cynical fairy in my brain rolls her eyes at this – LONG gone are those days in my early/mid twenties when all I had to do on the weekends was decide what party / vibe sounded the best for Friday night and where we were running / riding on Saturday. I had time to blog every flippen DAY back then.
Time. I had TIME! Time also equals rest and zoning out – things I have precious little of at this stage in my life. When I do have time, especially in the evenings, I curl up with my Kindle (reading is my sanity) and get lost in an epic trilogy of 800 pages each, or space out on the couch watching Showmax or Catchup. My husband will fall asleep to Sky or CNN, I manage to tidy the kitchen, take my 2 minute shower then collapse into bed after checking my two angels are not falling out of bed or have thrown off their blankets. This is ALL I can manage right now. On those days I do have energy in the evening – that’s normally dedicated to catching up on a bit of work, or possibly throwing caution to the wind and heading out for a glass of red wine with mates.
I guess, can I blame myself? Nope, and I refuse to enjoy the icky guilty feeling that tends to arrive like a slowly spilled cup of coffee on a white tablecloth, sudden, then spreading into every thread. I mean, I absolutely love writing and blogging – I wish I had the time to do it more. Those who know me – and those who have read my blog – KNOW that I love decor and DIY – and I wish I had the time to do more of that.
I wish I had time to paint on my easel, play my piano (and learn something other than Joshua Kadison’s ‘Jesse’ by heart), learn to sew, colour my doodle book, cook a 4-hour roast… All of these wonderful pastimes which I dearly love have been rather swallowed up in the here and now, the immediate, the practical, the essentials. It is what it is, and it’s also 100% okay.
I get giggles with my 15 month old who is tottering around on his little legs, learning new things each and every moment, his little smiley face breaking out into happy laughter when I scoop him into my lap. I get the full lowdown on the jumping castle at the party from my 3 and a half year old, who is currently obsessed with Spiderman, whales and his horned Springbok beanie. I get these rich moments which all too soon will pass and they will disappear into their rooms with homework and letters (ha, what am I saying, letters!), DIGITAL MESSAGES from crushes, and Youtube videos of their try at the game the previous week.
So, dear blog, while I’m not breaking up with you – officially – I am suggesting we simply ‘relax’ and take it easy. I’ll be the one passed out on the couch due to beautiful kiddy exhaustion, coupled with a week of hard graft, a kitchen that needed another good clean, too much time in the traffic and love in my heart for all the lovely happy in my life x